Simply Be.

Simplicity.  What does it mean to live simply, to simply live? It's funny that in itself the concept of living a simple life is so complex.

I own so many things.  It's ridiculous how many little nicknacks I have accumulated throughout my life.  I struggle to keep things clean and organized, because there isn't enough room for all of my things. When I stop and think about it, it's simple.  I need to get rid of things, I don't NEED everything in my house.  Half of what I own, I don't even know what it is because it is covered by the other thousand items I own.  Why is it not really that simple? Why can't I just go through my things and label them either necessary or unnecessary for day-to-day life? It's simple: I don't really know what the word NEED means.  

I provide for myself. I provide my own food. I provide my own shelter... you get the point.

It's ridiculous how much this affects my understanding of God.  If I don't know what NEED means in the most menial, mundane and meaningless of contexts, how in the world could I understand my NEED for my Saviour?

It's funny how I struggle to live simply, and also struggle to simply live. 

I was reminded this week that God is faithful.  I am obsessed with marks and achievement; to the point of stressing out so much, I make myself ill.  Why is that? Part of it is pride. I want to be the best. Another part is my dysfunctional desire to please God by working hard at what he has called me to.  The dysfunctional part isn't the desire to please God, but it's my mistaken understanding that he will only be pleased by success.  In reality, success comes FROM God.  He knows my heart. I NEED to trust Him, trust that if this is where He has called me, that HE WILL PROVIDE financially, and academically.
I need to simply live in the reality of God's faithfulness and trust that He is guiding my every step.

I was listening to a man named Paul Washer speak and something that he said spurred on the culmination of this post.

"We live in a culture that always demands its rights, while we are called to give them up. All of them."

It's not because we are submissive to be overruled, but it's because the One who is sovereign over our lives is sovereign over the world.  I want to be submissive to the One to whom the whole universe bows down because He is good and He promises to provide for His children.

It's that simple.

Give up my rights.

Let Him provide.

the silence

I've begun to rejoice in the silence. When I feel like nothing is happening and no one is there, because it is in those moments that I really, truly experience what it means for God alone to be my satisfaction. 

So, bring on the silence and the loneliness.

Bring on the joy. 

I trust in you Lord. 

"Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. 
You guide me with your counsel, 

and afterward you will take me into glory. 

Whom have I in heaven but you? 

And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail, 

but God is the strength of my heart 

and my portion forever."
Psalm 73:23-26

2 months later....

Wow. If life could be depicted with a single photo, it would be interesting to see the before and after photographs of my life during this year.

I honestly don't even know where to begin, or what to say.

What I do know is that I came home a different person, and with 35+ new friendships that I believe I will cherish in my heart for the rest of my life.

The Lord did so much inside of me while I was in Hawaii.. and I've realized that the journey was just beginning. I had this weird thought that perhaps I would have all the answers after I finished my DTS. To some of my questions, I do have the answers now.  In other ways, my questions and uncertainties have simply been expanded.

What I'm realizing is that nothing really is ever certain. Except this:
1. Jesus is the Lord of my life, and I wouldn't want it any other way because when I try it another way, everything crumbles.
2. I am loved by an unrelenting, faithful, forgiving, compassionate, understanding, gentle, strong and powerful God who never leaves me, and desires to be with me every moment of every day.
3. The Kingdom of Heaven comes swiftly when it is MORE of Him and LESS of me.

It's been weird being home.  It's good to be home, but different. Perhaps because I am different. I was expecting that. I wasn't expecting to feel the way I feel. You'd think I'd want to tell everyone about EVERYTHING. In some ways, I do.  But mostly, I just don't want to talk about it.  "How was your trip?" "It was good."

I'm sure there are so many people out there who want to hear about how my DTS changed my life and it's been so incredible and they want to hear all my stories. Good, great! I enjoyed every moment.
I think my problem these days is that I'm ready for more.. I'm ready for my life to be about what God is doing, and not about my adventure in Hawaii/Asia. Don't get me wrong.. the journey that the Lord took me on this year was incredible, and I know it was His will for me, and I am the way I am today because of what He brought me through.

I MISS everyone from Maui sooo much, and that's never going to change, but I feel like all people want to hear about is the adventure.. and not about the intimate, quiet moments that I experienced in my alone times with God. Those moments that broke me, shattered my understanding of the world and opened my eyes to what God had to show me. People want to hear about what I did... I did NOTHING without the power of the Holy Spirit guiding me, I did NOTHING. He did Everything.

How was my trip? It was good.  That's probably what you'll hear from me.. it was good.. because GOD is good.

I don't even really know what I'm trying to say.  I just felt like God opened my eyes a little to what I've been struggling with these past couple of weeks. I'm just tired of the small talk. It's well-meaning and all, but it still leaves me feeling... somewhat self-indulgent.

I don't want anyone to feel like they can't ask me how it was, please, ask me! I love that people are interested. I love talking about it, I simply desire for God alone to have the glory in this story.  Not the plane rides, or the travelling, or the beaches and beauty in Hawaii.

I'm also ready for what's next. Lord, guide me.

Asia Bound!!

It is a hectic craze over here.. these next couple of days are just going to get crazier and crazier.  Right now, our house is turned upside down with bags, clothes and who knows what else!
Tomorrow we will be cleaning our room and going on our last chance-town run.. It's crazy to think that we have already been here for 3 months.
As I reflect back on the past while that I have been here, I am amazed at all that the Lord has been doing in my life.  There have been some ridiculously hard times; times when I wasn't sure how I would make it through to the next day..
But there were also times of extreme joy, gratitude and awe of God's faithfulness and healing power, how He brings restoration and strengthens us in ways that are totally unexpected.
Wow.. I can't wait to tell you all about everything that has been happening in my life these past three months.
I wish I had more time to share.. but I guess this will just have to do for now!

While I am in Asia, I will not have access to Facebook or my blog.  I will have email though, and I will try to keep in touch.  Be forewarned.. I won't have much time/internet access.. so if I don't respond.. I'm sorry in advance!! I truly do love you! I will get back to you as soon as possible.  If you are on my current email list, you will receive a couple of update emails from time to time..

We leave on Friday, December 3rd at 6pm and have a 12 hour layover in Honolulu.  From there, we will fly into Bangkok, Thailand where we will have some preparation time, and also do some ministry in the Red Light district there.  After a week together in Thailand, we will split off into our 4 different teams and go to our 4 different outreach locations.

Our teams prayer requests:
Safety in travel, Team Unity, Boldness, Wisdom/Words to Speak, Guidance for when/with whom to speak

Thank you so much for your love and support!! I have been so blessed by the mail I have been receiving.. It really has brightened up my day :)
Love and Prayers,
Mahalo
Ehjae

Aloha!!
You can view and even download and print my October Newsletter from the link below:

http://www.scribd.com/full/43402804?access_key=key-24d278lk9mg0okigd0ns

How exciting is technology? I feel so connected with y'all? (I'm catching my fellow teammate, Ben's New Mexico accent)

This week was awesome, we had a pretty cool teacher from Canada come down.  Dave Overholt from Church on the Rock in Hamilton, Ontario.  He is a youth pastor, so we obviously shared some great stories and great moments because of our similar passions for young people.  Despite one of his obvious downfalls, cheering for the Tigercats, we managed to get along.

I was very excited to hear about the Roughriders successful triumph into the semi-finals against the Stampeders. Since there are several Riders fans out, we have been frantically trying to figure out how to watch the game.  (there's even a guy here from Calgary who cheers for the Riders.. and why not? lol... I would pick the Riders if I could too..)

Time is just flying by. I can't believe we only have 2 weeks left.  We will be leaving for Thailand in exactly 2 weeks now.  We are eagerly looking forward to it, but also sadly anticipating the time when we all separate.
Yesterday, we had an offering for people who were in desperate need for outreach money.  It was really cool to see how God was tapping people on the shoulders an having them provide for others who had trusted in him to provide. I have loved every minute here, and I can't imagine what it's going to be like when we are not ALL together, but I am also very excited to get out there and put all that we have been learning into action.

Check out my newsletter, and if you have any questions, or you would like to be included in the prayer/support letter email list, just let me know and leave your email address too!!

Love you all!
Ehjae

Exciting News....

Part of our requirements for graduation of the DTS program is that we each give a "Chapel Talk."  During our Chapel Talks, each of us give a little teaching to the entire group.

Tonight, I gave my chapel talk.  It was something I'd been looking forward to for at least a month now, which was when God spoke to me about my topic.  However, it was really clear to me that tonight was the perfect timing for it, because in the time between, He revealed so much to me about my Chapel Talk. 

There isn't really a good title for my topic.. but it kind of boiled down to God's Word, and how we MUST be studying and memorizing it.  There really isn't a way around it.  The more I meditated on it, and read through scripture, the more it was confirmed for me.  As Christians, we don't make God's Word a priority in our lives.. 

It was crazy for me, and such a time of encouragement even though it was a hard message to bring.  It is such a challenging word to speak and to hear.  I prayed and prayed that the message would speak to everyone's hearts and that they would hear what God had to say to them, and that it wouldn't be about me.  

I hope that's what came through tonight.  

Anyways, if you'd like to know more about what I am talking about, don't be afraid to ask.  This is something I have been passionately studying and humbly trying to pursue in my life.. so needless to say.. I love to talk about it with people! 

On to the topic of my heading.. I have very exciting news!! This week, we found out that all four of our outreach teams will be stopping in Thailand for a week before we go our separate ways.  I was dreading the time where we will have to say goodbye, and this makes it less dreadful because we will be in Thailand together!!!! Baby steps are good.. It'll still be hard to separate, but at least we will have travelled part way together.. it's always nice to be together.

I will try to continue updating this as often as I can.. 

 I thought I would leave you with a couple of pictures to enjoy...

Love,

Ehjae

My friend Bethany from Alaska!!

Nissi, who is on my team

Sam, he is also on my team

Jess, my beautiful outreach leader

Hudson, my fellow Canadian and outreach teammate

Jared, another true Canadian

Ben... he's on my team as well

My team!!!! We have quite the characters in our group..

September Letter Update

I am having a ridiculously hard time sending my support letter.  My oppressive computer is denying me this small pleasure.. I will send it as soon as it lets me. Sorry!!