The dates for the trip to Haiti have been finalized... and I can't go.
I am surprisingly ok about it. I promised some friends that I would play piano for their wedding, the date of which falls smack dab in the middle of the trip.
I think more than anything, I am simply confused. Why do I continually try to go on these trips? Why do I feel like God is saying "Yes" when it ends up being "No."
I am yearning to find a reason.. some lesson that I should be learning from this. If it's about trust, I could almost scream!
How many lessons do I need to learn about trust? I can answer that question for myself.. "As many as it takes."
Regardless of the countless times I have had similar experiences, specifically with missions work-- I could tell stories about how each trip ends up not working and I look up with a smile on my face and tell myself, "God has something better planned. I just don't see it yet."
Somedays, I'm tired of looking to see what the "something better" is. Somedays, I'm tired of being so passionate. Perhaps that's why apathy is slowly seeping into my being.
GOD! show me...
