I own so many things. It's ridiculous how many little nicknacks I have accumulated throughout my life. I struggle to keep things clean and organized, because there isn't enough room for all of my things. When I stop and think about it, it's simple. I need to get rid of things, I don't NEED everything in my house. Half of what I own, I don't even know what it is because it is covered by the other thousand items I own. Why is it not really that simple? Why can't I just go through my things and label them either necessary or unnecessary for day-to-day life? It's simple: I don't really know what the word NEED means.
I provide for myself. I provide my own food. I provide my own shelter... you get the point.
It's ridiculous how much this affects my understanding of God. If I don't know what NEED means in the most menial, mundane and meaningless of contexts, how in the world could I understand my NEED for my Saviour?
It's funny how I struggle to live simply, and also struggle to simply live.
I was reminded this week that God is faithful. I am obsessed with marks and achievement; to the point of stressing out so much, I make myself ill. Why is that? Part of it is pride. I want to be the best. Another part is my dysfunctional desire to please God by working hard at what he has called me to. The dysfunctional part isn't the desire to please God, but it's my mistaken understanding that he will only be pleased by success. In reality, success comes FROM God. He knows my heart. I NEED to trust Him, trust that if this is where He has called me, that HE WILL PROVIDE financially, and academically.
I need to simply live in the reality of God's faithfulness and trust that He is guiding my every step.
I was listening to a man named Paul Washer speak and something that he said spurred on the culmination of this post.
"We live in a culture that always demands its rights, while we are called to give them up. All of them."
It's not because we are submissive to be overruled, but it's because the One who is sovereign over our lives is sovereign over the world. I want to be submissive to the One to whom the whole universe bows down because He is good and He promises to provide for His children.
It's that simple.
Give up my rights.
Let Him provide.
