Wow. If life could be depicted with a single photo, it would be interesting to see the before and after photographs of my life during this year.
I honestly don't even know where to begin, or what to say.
What I do know is that I came home a different person, and with 35+ new friendships that I believe I will cherish in my heart for the rest of my life.
The Lord did so much inside of me while I was in Hawaii.. and I've realized that the journey was just beginning. I had this weird thought that perhaps I would have all the answers after I finished my DTS. To some of my questions, I do have the answers now. In other ways, my questions and uncertainties have simply been expanded.
What I'm realizing is that nothing really is ever certain. Except this:
1. Jesus is the Lord of my life, and I wouldn't want it any other way because when I try it another way, everything crumbles.
2. I am loved by an unrelenting, faithful, forgiving, compassionate, understanding, gentle, strong and powerful God who never leaves me, and desires to be with me every moment of every day.
3. The Kingdom of Heaven comes swiftly when it is MORE of Him and LESS of me.
It's been weird being home. It's good to be home, but different. Perhaps because I am different. I was expecting that. I wasn't expecting to feel the way I feel. You'd think I'd want to tell everyone about EVERYTHING. In some ways, I do. But mostly, I just don't want to talk about it. "How was your trip?" "It was good."
I'm sure there are so many people out there who want to hear about how my DTS changed my life and it's been so incredible and they want to hear all my stories. Good, great! I enjoyed every moment.
I think my problem these days is that I'm ready for more.. I'm ready for my life to be about what God is doing, and not about my adventure in Hawaii/Asia. Don't get me wrong.. the journey that the Lord took me on this year was incredible, and I know it was His will for me, and I am the way I am today because of what He brought me through.
I MISS everyone from Maui sooo much, and that's never going to change, but I feel like all people want to hear about is the adventure.. and not about the intimate, quiet moments that I experienced in my alone times with God. Those moments that broke me, shattered my understanding of the world and opened my eyes to what God had to show me. People want to hear about what I did... I did NOTHING without the power of the Holy Spirit guiding me, I did NOTHING. He did Everything.
How was my trip? It was good. That's probably what you'll hear from me.. it was good.. because GOD is good.
I don't even really know what I'm trying to say. I just felt like God opened my eyes a little to what I've been struggling with these past couple of weeks. I'm just tired of the small talk. It's well-meaning and all, but it still leaves me feeling... somewhat self-indulgent.
I don't want anyone to feel like they can't ask me how it was, please, ask me! I love that people are interested. I love talking about it, I simply desire for God alone to have the glory in this story. Not the plane rides, or the travelling, or the beaches and beauty in Hawaii.
I'm also ready for what's next. Lord, guide me.
